A year ago, a friend texted me that she was feeling hurt and unhappy. We sent a few messages back and forth but I soon realized she needed more help than I could offer. Her scariest text read, “I’m home alone. It’ll all be over tomorrow.” I called 911 immediately — even though she didn’t want me to––and the rest of that night is a complete blur of terror and worry, as I waited for a response from the police officer who was sent to check on her. Thankfully, she made it through and is now seeing a therapist. At first she was really angry that I called 911, but when I saw her the next week she thanked me. This experience opened my eyes to the power of positive peer influence. If my friend hadn’t told me that she was desperately unhappy, who knows if she would be alive today? I realized then that it’s vital to have at least one person to confide in when life becomes too hard to face alone.
Many teenagers feel humiliated about wanting to see a counselor or looking for help through anonymous referral boxes at school. The stigma and negative perceptions of going to therapy keeps teens from receiving the help they may need. We have to change that. As motivational speaker Les Brown said, “Ask for help. Not because you’re weak but because you want to remain strong.”
One way to chip away at the stigma of counseling is to form more student-led support groups within schools.
This can be done by holding regular open meetings for teenagers to come together and talk about wellness strategies or simply to have a conversation about how life is going. This encourages students to advocate for and support each other, which could make it easier to ask for help. A teenager-run network would not be the be-all-and-end-all of mental health support but it would be a big step forward, especially when combined with mental health education and a list of readily available professional resources. This three-pronged approach could start a revolution in adolescent mental health care.
However, most schools don’t have peer support groups, which is why I started an online wellness forum for teenagers around the world called TeenzTalk.org. My friend’s thoughts of suicide made me realize how important it is to simply start the discussion about mental health and spread the message to those who are hurting: you are not alone. For teens, me included, turning to an online support group is a natural way to go.
Dr. Steven Adelsheim, clinical professor and child and adolescent psychiatrist at Stanford University, gave me an invaluable piece of advice for all teenagers: “Reaching out to people early and sharing how we’re feeling not only helps you, but it helps those around you feel more comfortable talking about how they feel, too.”
DDuring psychology class my sophomore year, before my friend’s crisis, I learned about the widespread problems of stress, anxiety and other mental health conditions common among teenagers, and I read about past suicide clusters of high school students in the neighboring city of Palo Alto, Calif. I saw the obstacles teens face when trying to get help, which include the high cost of mental health services and the generation gap between teenagers and their counselors, parents, teachers and pediatricians. The generation gap really struck me. Unlike younger kids, who adore their parents’ advice and bask in their praise, adolescents want autonomy from their parents and other adults, while simultaneously craving acceptance from their friends and others their own age.
The term ‘peer pressure’ usually refers to the negative influence teens can have on each other, but peer influence can be positive, too. According to recent research, teenagers are more likely to confide in, listen to and relate to other teenagers — rather than their parents — on topics such as stress management and overcoming adversity, failure or other challenges.
That’s why I set out to create a platform to harness these powerful peer-to-peer connections and reach teens from all backgrounds, ethnicities and social groups. TeenzTalk.org first launched last April, and now has over 100 videos from teenagers from more than 20 different countries. With each video and blog contribution, we let kids know that “it’s okay to talk.” The site gets rid of the generation-gap problem and relies on positive teen-to-teen influence instead. By connecting to a larger and more diverse community, we can encourage and motivate each other while also finding similarities when only differences may be seen at first — for example, with teens from entirely different countries, hometowns and backgrounds.
The website now gets over 1,000 unique visitors every week, and we currently have an international team of 10 boys and 10 girls who work to find people to post videos on the site and bring new perspectives to teens around the world. We let our peers know that moments of despair and discouragement are normal, and there are numerous resources available to help them feel better.
Our site is all about sharing stories, experiences and coping strategies so others can get information, comfort and feel like part of a community.
For example, a 17-year-old girl from Tanzania talks about the pressure she felt to succeed since she’s the first in her village to receive a high school education and potentially go to college. She tells of her struggles living in poverty and working to put enough food on the table for her family. Another teen, a boy from China, discusses a particularly important difficulty in his life. For years he knew he was gay, yet he couldn’t bring himself to tell his family or friends. Because of various social pressures and cultural expectations, he felt confined by barriers too great to overcome. So he stayed silent until a few months ago, when, with the help of a friend, he came out on social media and also shared a video on our site. A 17-year-old girl from Macedonia talks about her battle with social anxiety. She describes enduring years of isolation before realizing her fear of social situations and conversations were symptoms of a real, treatable mental illness known as ‘social anxiety.’ She found relief in knowing she was not alone with this condition.
SSince I started the site, I’ve had the opportunity to meet with many teenagers and hear their stories. Clearly, we’ve all had experiences with vulnerability and discouragement, and it’s important that we grow from these experiences and strive to create a community of mental health activists. A few days ago, I received an email from a girl in the Bay Area who had been through a stressful week at school and was experiencing feelings of anxiety. She went on to write that she came across the TeenzTalk website and browsed the video section on “How to relieve stress?” This section contains videos from teenagers around the world who share their strategies and methods of relieving stress. The girl wrote that her “mind felt free” afterwards. It was incredibly empowering to know that the videos on the site were able to help her break out of her anxious thoughts and raise her spirits.
Adolescent mental health and wellness is a global matter, and we at TeenzTalk are here to shatter mental health stigmas, build resiliency, embrace life’s challenges and help each other thrive, through stories of growth and inspiration from our peers — teens around the world.
Nadia Ghaffari is a junior at Los Altos High School in California.
The views expressed here are those of the author.
